Finding Friendship

Throughout our lives we all make and break many friendships. Our peer group in school constantly changes and as we age we grow in and out of  many relationships. This natural ebb and flow of friendships, is due to our ever changing maturity, interests and development. The coveted title of "best friend" also changes as we grow closer to some and further from others.

Growing up, I thought I had a decent amount of friends and a lot of acquaintance (Most school aged kids have a lot of acquaintances, considering they are bunched together with a similar age cohort for a good 7 hours a day). As I changed schools and promoted grades, my friend group slowly shifted. And by the end of high school, remnants of my younger friend groups could be seen in every faction of the student body. Our once close-knit group had split into jocks, popular girls, nerds, geeks and every other stereotypical high school group under the moon.

As I reflect on the friendships I once had, that ended for whatever reason (fights, growing up or just moving on), I notice that most of my relationships remained fairly superficial. I thought I had lots of friends and even multiple "best friends," but in hindsight I might not have had a real friendship. This is not to say I didn't laugh and play and interact with others, but I never had a true friend. 

Friends are more than the action of hanging out or texting. And friends are more than sharing and memories. A true friendship has a few key parts, parts that I only now can find in one of my most mature friendships. The following are the four key factors to a real, genuine friendship:

1.  Friendships are balanced: they are relationships in which both sides contribute an equal amount of give and take.
2. Friendships are not time or distance limited: a true friendship will run smoothly whether you are hanging out in person every day or whether you can only call each other once a month. Either way, you will be able to pick up right where you left off and connect just the same.
3. Friendships are deep: friends can talk about the hardest struggles in there lives and know that the other person is there for support. They do not release there baggage on one another, but instead ask for support about the issues they most need help with. Friends are the shoulder to lean on and the place to vent.
4. Friendship is focused: a good pair of friends can talk forever. They always have something to say and are wholly engaged in the other person when they spend time together.

I realized, looking back on and even observing many of my current relationships, that I was lacking one or more of these traits in my friendships. This is okay, because like we said earlier, friendships are always changing. Whether it is the person or the way we interact, there will always be more opportunities to set up a real friendship.

For me, looking back and realizing I didn't have very many close friendships, didn't discourage me, but instead, inspired me to find more meaningful relationships. And now I can honestly say I have a friend, a true friend.